We tend to hide our weaknesses and inner turmoil as if these “weaknesses” will cause problems for others. However, psychological studies have found that our reactions to the vulnerability of others are actually very different from what we think ……
Admitting our mistakes, seeking help from others, or even confessing our feelings of love are moments of personal vulnerability that we must avoid.
Most people fear rejection or even harsh treatment at these moments. If you can pretend to be strong, who is willing to show the softest and most vulnerable side in front of others?
However, psychological studies have found that showing one’s vulnerable side is actually easier to get positive comments.
It is even fascinating to be able to show vulnerability without being stingy.
Your vulnerability is more fascinating than you think
There is a term in psychology called the “beautiful mess effect,” which means that there is a significant gap between how we perceive our vulnerability and how others perceive us, and that people who demonstrate vulnerability tend to interpret themselves more negatively.
Anna Bruk, Sabine G. Scholl, and Herbert Bless, researchers in psychology at the University of Mannheim, Germany, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology In a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers asked subjects to imagine different situations, such as confessing their love to a friend, being the first to apologize to a partner, or admitting their mistakes to their work team.
Subjects who were asked to imagine showing “their” vulnerability tended to believe that these behaviors would make them appear weak and incompetent.
However, another group of subjects who were asked to imagine their vulnerability being shown by “others” tended to describe these behaviors as desirable or even good.
We like to see real and genuine people,” says Brené Brown, a professor of social work at the University of Houston, “but we’re afraid to let people see those qualities in us.
But not all vulnerability will be accepted at face value
Much of the early psychological research supports the fascination of showing vulnerability, but not all vulnerability is accepted.
Experiments by psychologist Elliot Aronson found that attractive vulnerability must come from competent people.
The first recording is of a smart candidate who gets many questions right, and the second recording is of a less competent candidate who gets many questions wrong. Both recordings show the candidate spilling his coffee and apologizing.
The results of the experiment showed that the smart candidates were more likeable because they made a fool of themselves. On the contrary, the less competent candidates were more offensive because they spilled their coffee.
Psychology refers to this phenomenon as the pratfall effect, which means that our interpretation of a person’s vulnerability is influenced by our perception of that person’s abilities.
If the person making a fool of himself or herself is perceived to be highly competent or even admired, his or her making a fool of himself or herself can easily be interpreted as “human” or even attractive.
Although showing vulnerability is often seen as a sign of weakness, psychological research has found that these behaviors can sometimes be interpreted as courageous,” said Burke, “In relationships or at work, showing vulnerability can have a positive effect. Sometimes we should overcome our fears and find the beauty in these moments of vulnerability.
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