Often afraid of withdrawing and not confident in yourself? Finding confidence that you can maintain over time may not be so easy. Building belief in yourself can sometimes be a project that takes years; the good news is that faking it until it’s true can really help.
The following are a few ways to make yourself and others feel confident.
1. Write down your sharpest moments and put them in a jar
Maybe it was your supervisor saying that your presentation was the absolute best she’s ever seen, or maybe it was your best friend giving you a big compliment on your makeup skills and making you all emotional. Instead of forgetting these moments, write them down on paper, put them in a jar, and take a few to read when you need to remember how cool you are.
2. Even if you think you are not good enough, you still have to act like you are
Some people don’t have the best abilities, but their boundless confidence somehow convinces others that they have unparalleled abilities. Yes, you should be just like them.
In fact, you should probably puff up more often; a study by Hewlett-Packard showed that men ask for promotions after they meet 60% of the requirements for a promotion, while women wait until they are almost there before asking.
The point is: if you don’t try, your chances of success are zero. Don’t quit the game early because you think you’re not good enough.
3. Imitate the strong
Some people exude confidence like bright sunshine. Even if you weren’t born with this aura, you can still study a little bit about what impresses you about them and try to emulate those traits until it really becomes part of you.
You can read Sheryl sandberg’s “Step Up to the Plate” or Shonda Rhimes’ “This is the Year I Just Say Yes”; you can also look closely at the demeanor of your company’s CEO as he leads meetings.
4. Do what you are good at
Sometimes doing something you’re really good at, or even just reminding yourself how good you are at it, can give you a surge of confidence until you learn to keep it all the time.
5. Write down positive affirmations
It can be helpful to read a few sentences before you go out and remind yourself of your values.
If you feel ashamed to write down positive thoughts about yourself, you can also think of a few phrases to repeat in your head for situations that are full of uncertainty, such as “Your friends think you’re super funny, your hair is super beautiful. You’re great, that’s all”.
6. Ask questions when you feel uncomfortable
If you’re in a nerve-wracking social situation, don’t hold back, but turn the spotlight on others. Most people like to talk about themselves, so asking meaningful questions will help others feel good about you right away. In addition, even if you are doing this because you are nervous, it will bring the atmosphere that you are the one leading the conversation, making people feel that you are calm and in control.
7. Accepting, not avoiding, compliments
Do you think Beyonce would have said, “Well, that was very nice of you, but there’s one thing I really didn’t do right” when she was complimented after the show? No, she’ll probably smile, say “thank you” affectionately, and she’ll know that the compliment wasn’t exaggerated at all; she knows she can energize the people around her just by being present.
Basically, the secret to acting confident is to ask yourself: What would Beyonce do?
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