“I can’t have too much fun or I’ll get carried away and get out of the bag.” “I’m afraid to fail. I don’t know what people will think of me.” That’s anxiety. It’s a normal emotional response. But when anxiety takes over your life, scholar Olivia Remes says there are three things you can do to alleviate it.
Because I am too afraid of future failure, I am afraid to be happy even though things are going well. If I fail, I don’t know what people will think of me – do these questions bother you and make you feel uneasy all the time?
This is anxiety. In fact, it’s a normal emotional response. It allows people to stay focused and deal with crises. But if it comes up too often and is seriously affecting your life, you may need some help.
In this TED Talk, Olivia Remes, an anxiety researcher at the University of Cambridge, teaches us how to identify symptoms of anxiety and 3 simple ways to relieve ourselves.
Fear of failure, afraid to be happy, afraid of the eyes of others? It could be anxiety.
Imagine you are going to a friend’s party. Before you go, you are obviously excited, but also a little nervous. As the time gets closer, you gradually feel a heavy feeling in your stomach, something pulling at you, trying not to make you feel the least bit happy.
You can’t be too happy. You’d better be alert at all times, or you could be out of your bag in no time. A voice in your head says. So on the way, you start to worry about who I’m going to talk to when I get to the party. If no one talks to me, what should I do? Will I look weird in my outfit today?
And when you arrive at the party, someone wants to talk to you. But you’re so nervous, your mind is racing, your heart is racing, and you’re sweating. You’re afraid of saying the wrong thing, and you can’t focus on the conversation. Then you feel your soul pulling away from your body and just standing around watching yourself talk.
“Come back soon.” You say to yourself.
But things just get worse, and you start to stutter. A few minutes later, when the person leaves, you’re exhausted.
It’s something that’s been bothering your social life for a long time. Every time you go out, you start to feel anxious whenever you are in a crowded place. You’re afraid of being surrounded by people, like on a crowded bus, and you feel hot and nauseous. So, to avoid this, you allow yourself to avoid crowded situations that make you feel lonely and isolated.
In fact, you and these people who are in the same situation may have anxiety disorder,” says Rimes.
What I’m trying to tell you is that anxiety disorder is a far more common symptom than people think. As we speak, on average, 1 in 14 people in the world has anxiety disorder. (omitted) Anxiety disorders can lead to depression, school suspension, and even suicide. It makes it difficult to focus on work and can easily lead to damaged relationships. But many people don’t know this. People often think that anxiety is just a sign of weakness that must be overcome by willpower.
But anxiety disorders are much more complicated than that.
One of the reasons people don’t take it seriously is that they don’t know what “anxiety disorder” really is. Is it a personality trait? Is it a disease? Or is it a common emotion?
What is anxiety disorder? Is it different from general anxiety?
There is a difference between general anxiety and anxiety disorders.
General anxiety is a normal human reaction to a stressor. For example, if you are standing at the edge of a forest and a bear comes upon you. This will make you feel anxious and you will want to turn and run. This anxiety is a good reaction because it protects you and saves you from a dangerous situation. (Although running away when you see a bear is probably not a good idea.
Remes cautions, “Anxiety has its own benefits. It helps us deal with the crises we face in life. But if you’re not facing an extremely important threat and you still find your anxiety level being stretched to the limit, you may have an anxiety disorder.
According to the American Psychological Association, about 30 percent of American adults have suffered from anxiety disorders in their lifetime. And the number of women is higher than the number of men. In addition, there are many subcategories of anxiety disorders, such as
- Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
- Panic Disorder
- Phobias, Specific Phobia
- Agoraphobia
- Social Anxiety Disorder
- Separation Anxiety Disorder
Three ways to help you improve your anxiety
Rimes points out that whether it’s general anxiety or anxiety disorder, there are easy, personal ways to improve it.
At Cambridge University, our research found that women in countries with lower average incomes are generally more likely to have anxiety than women in higher-income countries. However, one key point is that if women in these lower-income countries had more coping resources, their anxiety could be reduced.
The term “responsive resources” refers to all the resources that people obtain from their personal characteristics, groups, and environments that can be used to help them adapt to stress.
In other words, you don’t need to ask for resources, you can develop them on your own. This is also a way to give yourself strength. Today we will talk about three simple ways to deal with it.
The first tip to get a sense of control back into your life
People have better mental health if they have a greater sense of control over their lives, Rimes says. So you should be more involved in the things that give you a sense of control.
For example, have you ever procrastinated on a to-do list because you always felt like you weren’t ready? Do you find it hard to make decisions about what to wear, what to eat, and what to work on? Do you often waste a lot of time thinking about what to do or not to do? In the face of this lack of control over your life, Rimes believes that the best solution is.
Do it badly.
If you don’t do it straight away, you’ll spend hours debating whether you want to start or not.
We often demand perfection so much that we end up not doing anything. We tend to set our goals too high. We think we can never find the perfect time to start, and we haven’t developed enough skills yet, so we keep procrastinating. But when you go ahead and do it, regardless of the consequences, you will feel: it is so easy to start something.
Even if you finish straight away and feel like you sucked at the moment. Once you look back, you often find that they weren’t so bad. This gives us the wings to take risks and try something very different. You’re also more likely to feel happy throughout the process.
So, if there’s something you’ve been planning for a long time, go ahead and do it, and improve as you go.
The second tip, forgive yourself
This is a very powerful skill. Think about it: If you had a friend who was forever accusing you of doing everything wrong, you’d want to get rid of him right away. But anxious people do this to themselves every day, and they are not forgiving of themselves at all. Start today by forgiving yourself for every mistake you make.
If you have anxiety and you hate yourself for not doing well all the time. Let it go. If you’d love to be friends with someone, but you’re just not doing well, let it go.
It’s not easy, but Rimes says, try to forgive yourself for everything.
The third tip, find ways to live a life of purpose and meaning
No matter how much we do or how much money we have, it doesn’t compare to knowing that there are people who need us and we are working hard for them. When you do something with a certain group of people in mind, it can often help you get through the hardest hurdles.
You will know the meaning of your existence. So, ask yourself, “Is there at least one thing you’re doing these days to help others? For example, you could volunteer. Or, for example, you can pass on this simple knowledge to others. This is also a way we can suggest to people to help themselves when they don’t have the budget to receive psychotherapy.
Do what you think makes sense in the world and think that you are helping others. If they don’t see it right away, that’s okay.
Because in the process you will also realize that your life is important and unique. Blessings to you.
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